Most of us reflecting right now—it’s the end of the year so it’s only natural, right? Well, in that vain here’s what I’ve been reflecting on…

Lately I’ve been feeling this strong tug towards unfinished business. Last year I painted half the doors in my house—the bedroom, bathroom, and hallway doors—thinking those were the outward facing doors people would see when they came inside my home. But then this year I couldn’t help but notice the inconsistency—the closet doors were not freshly painted with new hinges and doorknobs—and it irked me. I ended up painting the rest of the doors, desperate to finish by the end of the year (and I am almost done).

Last year I quit my job, feeling uninspired and drained from the toxic environment. This year I went all in and became a Pilates instructor, teaching yoga and pilates nearly every day—my dream.

This year I also tried making new friends after losing my built-in bubble of work friends. But I started to notice a trend: after a couple months, sometimes less, we’d drift apart, no longer making time to hang out, and eventually, not even text. At first I thought it was me. I was changing and naturally I would lose people in my life. I even tried the popular social media trend, writing out reasons why I was being unsuccessful with making and keeping friends:

You’ll think I’m a 10/10 friend until you find out…

I don’t want to go out for coffee 9/10

I dislike most fast food 8/10

I prefer strong > skinny 7/10

I foster dogs from a shelter based on need not breed 6/10

I don’t complain about my husband 5/10

I won’t beg for your attention 4/10

I quit my job because I don’t have (or want) to work 3/10

I prioritize my health over going out and/or staying out late 2/10

I’ll challenge you/won’t always agree with you 1/10

I’ll surprise you—not perform for you or be the girl you want me to be 0/10

Guess I’m a 0/10 friend.

And as each one left my life—some quietly and some with a bang—I felt this tug of “what if?” What if we did that double date? What if we stayed in touch even though life got busy? What if we actually met up again for a drink? What if we actually practiced yoga together? 

Did I miss out on knowing a cool person? Going on amazing adventures? As someone who loves meeting and hanging out with new and old friends, but doesn’t always do well in crowds (and no longer has a built-in social circle through a typical 9-5 office job), I have been missing the built-in social interaction that comes with having a full-time job. 

We’re all so busy that if there isn’t a reason—a job, a training, a gym—that forces you into someone’s orbit, you’ll likely not make the time. Because let’s be real if you have to put in the effort to see people outside of your built-in schedule, it’s a lot harder to not drift from someone you met recently. It’s a lot harder to make time for people than to simply think “oh well I’ll see them later anyway so no big deal if we don’t hang out till then” or “well if it was meant to be, it would be easier” but then later doesn’t always come and sometimes the best things are just a little harder because they’re worth it…

And before you know it, a potentially great relationship is lost. So I guess maybe that’s what I’m reflecting on: lost potential. Only I realize now as I write this that the reverse is true: if I lost an opportunity to know someone, they also lost the opportunity to know me. And I think I’m pretty cool so that’s a pretty big loss—for them. 

On that note this is a good a time as any to wrap up my reflective monologue. If you take anything away from it I hope it’s this: if there’s someone you want to know, tell them, and make time for them. They probably want to know you too. I know I do…

Until next time,

Leah